Please find my proposal attached . make some correction or changes according to my classmates response from my proposal research.
after you fix everything. Please make 1 response 1 of the 3 response
First off this sound great! I am not sure if this really matters, but in the example we got as a guideline, the memo was before the cover page. Like I said, I am unsure if the order really matters. So for the introduction, I really think it is clear what you are trying to get across to us. You need more staffing! And I really liked how you explained some “sub topics” almost! I do however, think you used a few too many “linking” words. Words like, besides, moreover, to add, things like that. But that is just my personal opinion! Other than that I think the introduction was great! I think there was a clear sense of purpose throughout the writing because you had a lot of sources to back what your thoughts were. Your solutions sound like they are reasonable and doable. The solutions should like a solid plan and are very achievable.
You definitely have enough sources, however, I think that your writing could benefit from maybe a little more paraphrasing or maybe a quote or two. Just to make it meatier! This could also make it easier for you, so you don’t have to feel like you are repeating the same thing overran over, like I often do. But what you do have is completely fine, just if you needed more words sometimes it can spark up ideas. Again I would suggest more citations and maybe not so many “linking” words.
I do feel that this is responsive to the discussion assignment. You definitely put in a lot of effort and time this! Great Job and good luck!
Does the introduction clearly announce the topic and engage the reader’s interest? If not, why not? If yes, what is engaging and interesting?
- Yes, I understood the problem and what your solution is for the Maine Health Center. Your introduction is evident to what the topic is and has me engaged the whole time. Good job with tying the proposal at the end of your introduction.
- Yes, there is a clear purpose for the proposal stated at the end of your introduction. It is to help reduce the challenges that the Maine Nursing Center is experiencing during this pandemic. More staff.
- Yes, during your recommendations, you present three different recommendations presented very clearly. They all give justification to your proposal.
- You integrated the sources and followed the APA formatting. All your sources are affective and help your proposal. The only thing that I would say is that when reading the proposal, I only see four out seven of your references used in your paper.
- In the first paragraph of your background, you use numbers and years, and for me, as a reader, It made me think it might need a reference.
Is there a clear sense of purpose throughout the writing? Why or why not?
Is the solution effectively presented? Why or why not?
Are sources integrated into the proposal? Do they follow APA format? Are they effective? Why or why not?
How could the author improve the paper? Please offer at least two concrete suggestions.
- When reading your paper, the first thing that I noticed is the spacing throughout it. Some of it was single, and other parts are doubled spaced.
- In the benefits section or recommendation section, you can use some bullet points. I often use bullet points because it helps me get my point across using less words. Just something I use.
Do you consider this paper to be responsive to the Discussion assignment? If not, what recommendations do you have for making it meet the Discussion requirements?
- Yes, the paper was responsive to the discussion assignment. Very well written, Sharon. Excited to see your graph and your finished product.
- I would like to see how your paper’s benefits and recommendations would read and look like if you used sentence breaks, with bullet points.
- Make sure you use all of your references and incorporate them into your paper or get rid of the ones you don’t need.
Provide additional suggestions or comments.
This proposal is well-written and it clearly makes the case both in the introduction and executive summary how the Maine Nursing center is struggling to deal with viral diseases such as the seasonal flu and COVID-19. The most important point that the proposal makes is that the nursing center is under-staffed and this is affecting negatively the capability of the health workers to deal with sick patients. I can relate to this problem from my own personal experience working for a major world manufacturer of fragrances and flavors. Although the two industries are totally unrelated, the employees there where I worked, were routinely under-staffed and sometimes they were forced to work 15 hour shifts with no help or anyone to replace them in case something happened to them. The author of this piece brings into light other factors affecting the workers at the Maine Health Center such as exposure to injuries, pathogens and their lack of sufficient training needed to provide better care for the patients. The article also does a great job describing the nursing home and although the service there is top-notch, it does have some very stiff competition inside Maine as well as nationwide. The writer also does a great job at offering solutions to the problems facing the nursing home as well as describing in detail the beneficial elements that will come as a result of dealing with these issues. The obvious conclusion is that an increase in number of staff, the reduction of their working hours as well as adequate training will benefit not only the workers but also the patients of the facility.
- The introduction clearly announces the purpose of the proposal and it makes the reader aware of the major problems facing the Maine Health Center. What I find particularly interesting in this piece is the fact that the author mentions the COVID-19 pandemic which we are still going through right now and how this virus’ negative effect upon the patients is exacerbated by under-staffed nurses who are not properly trained to deal with it the correct way.
- The purpose of the piece is well explained and researched. The purpose of the proposal is to convince the CEO to hire additional nurses and provide training for those who are newly hired as well as for those already working to deal with the illnesses affecting the patients. The article also notes that other problems such as bullying between patients can be reduced by properly training them as well.
- The solution to the problem is effectively presented. The author makes it clear that if more workers are hired and if the hours of those who are already working are reduced, this will undoubtedly lead to a healthier and more prepared workforce. As a result of this the patients in the hospital will receive better care and the staff will be better prepared to deal with the COVID-19 pandemic.
- The author makes note of seven references in the references section. Each one of them is used in each piece of the proposal and with great purpose and effect which supports the main arguments of the proposal. The APA format is followed correctly by noting the last name of the author and then the year.
- As I read the proposal I noted several grammatical and spelling errors located throughout the paper. The piece will be more effective if the author corrects these accordingly. The other suggestion that I have to improve the proposal is to document in more detail the problems facing the nursing home, such as the average number of hours worked by the nurses, maybe highlight the amount of pay that they receive, the shifts that they work etc. This will enhance the author’s purpose in conveying to us the burdens that the workers of the facility face.
- I consider this proposal responsive to the discussion assignment. The paper is well organized and all the main points are well described and well supported by the references. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece and I can say that it is well organized and really does a fantastic job at delivering on its purpose. Other than some grammatical and spelling errors, I did not see any major problems with it.